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Why do I even bother?

By dev trash (Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 10:09:45 PM EST) (all tags)

Yes. Another one of THOSE types of diary.

I took a picture of myself today. Placed the camera on my dresser and set the timer. Deleted that one because it was too far away.

Moved closer and smiled. Looked like I had buck teeth.

One last try, side profile.

Man I have some serious red hair going on, Not deep red, but you can tell it's not like blonde or dark.

I am sorry I can not recall the song that prompted me to post the diary last night. I only wish I was a better writer. The diary, like all my diaries start out with a great idea, line, whatever and end up, shit. But that's how most of what I do ends up.

Holy crap I just noticed that separate is spelled correctly after tags.

Lots of stuff going on, but I'm uh, not so much into sharing as I once was.

Perhaps it isn't feedback I want but sympathy? Who knows.

< Date #4 - 4.1, 4.2, 4.3..... | BBC White season: 'Rivers of Blood' >

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Why do I even bother? | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback

Why not into sharing as much? by a user by any other name (4.00 / 1) #1 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 10:29:47 PM EST

anything we should know about?

wait...you don't want to share...sorry.

Also, I'm sure the pic was fine. Stop being so hard on yourself!

waiting....

tricky! by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #3 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 10:59:53 PM EST

It's a character flaw I have. No, that's not the right phrase. I get excited easily. No, not quite right either.

I hate disappointment, so much so I avoid even getting close to optimistic about anything to avoid the pain of the disappointment.

My classic always gets me in a funk example is in middle school I was excited as all hell to at least try out for the baseball team, but my hopes were dashed when it was suggested that I was not all that good anyway. Even in my mid 30s thinking of that just, yeah. Even when I know that it wasn't the real reason, it was the lack of money because we were poor. But I've said too much. I could go on and on about one incident coloring and influencing another until well I am where I am today. Bitter, cyncial, pessimistic, lonely, etc.

The pic is up at that one place. Honestly it looks like crap because they do some resizing crap on it.

What are ya waiting on? Or who? or, why the waiting? :)

--
Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

waiting for me... by greyshade (2.00 / 0) #5 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:08:43 PM EST

But some other girl grabbed me up this weekend... Or some other guy grabbed her. I'm not sure on the order there, but we are both on the road to marital bliss. Just not so much with each other.

Yet.

"The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface
[ Parent ]

now I'm confused. by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #8 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:16:12 PM EST

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Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

: That's ok. I rarely make any kind of sense. by greyshade (2.00 / 0) #11 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:47:10 PM EST

Maybe next time.

"The other part of the fun is nibbling on them when they get off work." -vorheesleatherface
[ Parent ]

IMO, you're not after sympathy or feedback by lm (4.00 / 1) #2 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 10:50:03 PM EST

You just want someone to listen.

But maybe I'm just projecting. That's why I put my diaries up on HuSi. I want my motherfucking audience on this motherfucking web site.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic

I'm listening. by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #7 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:14:44 PM EST

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Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

You know, lm by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #12 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 09:13:46 AM EST

every swear word you put in each comment halves your readership. Maybe you better think about what audience you want before you get so potty mouthed. Mmmkay?

Actually, I love the surprise of an lm spoiler.

[ Parent ]

Oh, yeah? by lm (2.00 / 0) #13 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 09:18:43 AM EST

Well just eat icecream you fine, upstanding member of the human species.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

Hulvvvveeeerrrr! by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #14 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 09:23:49 AM EST

That meanie told me to eat ice cream even though I'm not able to eat milk. What a nasty meanie.

[ Parent ]

I knew you folks over the pond were slow, but ... by lm (2.00 / 0) #15 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 09:30:46 AM EST

... if we have ice cream made from milk substitutes in Ohio, I'd expect you cosmopolitan folks over the pond to also have such things.

There is no more degenerate kind of state than that in which the richest are supposed to be the best.
Cicero, The Republic
[ Parent ]

Well, duh! by ambrosen (2.00 / 0) #16 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 09:45:17 AM EST

If you'd said I could go eat Swedish Glace, then I'd have understood, but we have laws about having to have milk in ice cream over here.

[ Parent ]

: so do we. by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #19 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 12:16:57 PM EST

There is no where in teh US you'll find ice cream without milk.

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Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

I'll bring the razorblades by debacle (4.00 / 1) #4 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:01:14 PM EST

If you bring the tears.

Otherwise, you're just pissing and moaning forever and ever. Sitting where you are, you have nothing to whine about but the overwhelming scent of freedom. You can do anything you want.

The potential inherent in your situation - some men on this site, and maybe the stray woman, would kill for it.

"I'm very responsive to certain stimuli, and pain is pretty much at the top of that list." - BadDoggie

perceived freedom. by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #6 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:10:14 PM EST

I am tied down. Maybe not by a wife or kids or a mortgage, but I am not as mobile as you want me to be.

I can not, no matter how hard I try, do certain things. What those things are an excercise for the reader.

Perhaps I'm sending out the wrong signals. You seem to tag everything I say or do as whining. One sentence in this whole diary could possibly be whining. The rest. Not so much.

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Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

Perhaps you're trying at the wrong things, then $ by debacle (2.00 / 0) #9 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:28:28 PM EST

"I'm very responsive to certain stimuli, and pain is pretty much at the top of that list." - BadDoggie

[ Parent ]

I guess what I mean to say is by debacle (4.00 / 2) #10 Tue Sep 05, 2006 at 11:42:40 PM EST

I care a great deal about you and your situation because you are a very human person and you deserve happiness just like everyone else.

On the other hand I hold you in great contempt because you have so much goddamned potential.

"I'm very responsive to certain stimuli, and pain is pretty much at the top of that list." - BadDoggie

[ Parent ]

YEAH! by a user by any other name (2.00 / 0) #17 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 11:01:11 AM EST

What debacle said!

You need to get out of your own way. You say you're"tied down." What exactly does that mean? Tied down in a state of mind - it will be whatever you say it is. That's not to say there are things that keep you places, but it's your life - live it the way you want. everything else is an excuse.

[ Parent ]

money. by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #18 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 12:12:16 PM EST

without it, one can not move.

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Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

poppycock. by garlic (2.00 / 0) #20 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 12:20:36 PM EST

[ Parent ]

Agreed. by a user by any other name (2.00 / 0) #21 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 12:29:01 PM EST

Maybe not in an instant, but if it's a goal, work towards it.

Plus, didn't you just move? Where would you go? Maine?

[ Parent ]

: I have no clue. by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #23 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 12:58:57 PM EST

I'm supposed to do something. debacle is sometimes unclear on it all.
Maine would be nice if I could find that ideal job. or Alaska.
I did just move but this place is not for me, long term. Unless I always wanna just make 10 dollars an hour.

--
Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

techically by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #24 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 12:59:40 PM EST

you are right. I did move without cash on hand. But now Universal card owns me.

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Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

well say that then. by dev trash (2.00 / 0) #22 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 12:31:26 PM EST

Potential for what? World Domination?

I'm shy. Can't work around that. And when I am open and real with people ( not on here ) I find myself alone. Either I am boring, or stupid or something. It happens a lot lately. I know it can't happen all the time but when you're in the middle of a storm you tend to focus on the storm not that it will be over in 10 hours.

I also have certain phobias that people tend to brush off, or that have affected potential relationships. H and C are two examples I can think of right now.

I'm complex, but I try not to be.

--
Blizzard of Death '06
[ Parent ]

: For anything you want by debacle (2.00 / 0) #25 Wed Sep 06, 2006 at 01:34:58 PM EST

You don't think other people who are shy, feel stupid around others, are socially clumsy, and have psychologically devastating phobias visit this site?
You're about as alone as a fat chick at a weight loss convention.
"I'm very responsive to certain stimuli, and pain is pretty much at the top of that list." - BadDoggie

[ Parent ]

Why do I even bother? | 25 comments (25 topical, 0 hidden) | Trackback


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